Bernie Sanders Launches Bid To Not Be President In 2020

VERMONT – Senator Bernie Sanders announced today that he will indeed seek to not be the president in 2020. He enters a crowded field of progressives seeking the Democratic nomination in 2020, but he has more experience losing than the others. “I know I won’t win,” Sanders gruffly admitted, “But I love the attention. I want to allow all the college students to ‘Feel The Bern’ one more time and enjoy the ride. My plan has always been to announce my bid, go through the process, spend millions in other…

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Medical Assn Approves AOC Diagnosis As ‘Diarrhea Of The Mouth’

CHICAGO – Diarrhea of the mouth is kind of a long diagnosis, but so is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s name. So long and annoying that many have started referring to her as simply “AOC.” Now, the Board of Trustees at the American Medical Association have honored the freshman socialist politician with her own affliction. In a vote of 15-6, the board approved adding the diagnosis of AOC in medical textbooks and journals to apply to any patient exhibiting symptoms of “diarrhea of the mouth.” This is an irritating condition, and one in…

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Proof Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Is REALLY All About Free Stuff

BRONX – In a wide-ranging Q & A session following a recent fundraiser for the Socialist Democratic Party, bartender slash economic guru Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez told an audience just how much she loves free stuff. Call it her Bill Clinton “boxers vs. briefs” moment. Below are some of the questions asked by event attendees, followed by her response in commie red: What’s you favorite word? Freebie. What’s your favorite Tom Petty song? Free Fallin.’ How would you describe your supporters? Free loaders. One more on music. What’s your favorite rock anthem?…

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