Stormy Daniels Vows to Dance Under Oath Before Congress

dance

WASHINGTON – America’s sweetheartwhore, Stormy Daniels, vowed this week to dance under oath in front of Congress, in the event that President Donald Trump is impeached. Daniels says she will “testify” in front of members of the governing body the only way she knows how. “I would be happy to use the language of the interpretative dance that some call ‘stripping’ to tell what I know about the president, if it comes to that,” Stormy said. Daniels’ former lawyer Michael Avenatti has offered to hold the pole during any performance…

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West Hollywood to Present Stormy Daniels With Dildo to the City

CALI – Most cities use a key, but, whatevs. The mayor of West Hollywood is set to present porn actress/stripper/activist Stormy Daniels with a dildo to the city today. Daniels is being honored for “her leadership in the #RESIST movement.” The mayor has also proclaimed May 23 ‘Stormy Daniels Day.’ The ceremony will be held in the parking lot of an In-N-Out burger location, which makes sense.  California progressives hope that young girls in the state will see that Stormy is a great role model for them to emulate. “If…

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CNN: Stormy Daniels Secures Release of 3 NoKo Hostages

hostages

THIS IS CNN – In the early morning hours, as President Trump welcomed home three American hostages who had been held captive in North Korea, CNN cut to the chase and presented the facts of their negotiated release as it exists in the CNN newsroom. “We’re pleased to report that it was in fact Stormy Daniels who – having flown to North Korea on a plane that crashed in the sea – escaped injury, soldiered on to Pyongyang, and secured the freedom of these three captive Americans. CNN will have…

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Mueller Probing Stormy Daniels, Russian Collusion Link

Robert Mueller has uncovered evidence that porn star Stormy Daniels had sexual collusion with five Russian men in a Moscow gangbang back in 2003. The rogue special council thinks some of this collusion may have rubbed off on Donald Trump during his sexual encounter with Daniels several years later. Mueller, and numerous attorneys on his investigative team, have repeatedly pumped Stormy for information on the possible link between she, Trump and Russian collusion. They say she’s been very open every time they’ve pressed her hard. An FBI forensics expert told…

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Anderson Cooper: Top Buttons On Stormy Daniels’ Blouse Defied Laws of Physics

Stormy

NEW YORK – Millions of viewers to the 60 Minutes Stormy Daniels interview by CNN’s Anderson Cooper were riveted to their screens for one reason only, according to a deep dive into the ratings for the show: Would the top two buttons on Daniels’ blouse be able to maintain their structural integrity throughout the interview? Anderson Cooper admitted he was amazed by what he witnessed during his sit-down with the porn star. “There were definitely some laws of physics broken during our talk,” he said. “Throughout the entire interview, I…

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