Biden Floats Ferraro, Barbara Jordan, Ann Richards For VP, Ruth Bader-Ginsburg For Court

VP

WASHINGTON – Pandering for the female vote, presidential candidate Joe Biden said in tonight’s debate that he would pick a woman to be his running mate. “I don’t run as much as I used to,” Biden said, “But I’m still in great shape for a guy that doesn’t know what’s going on.” When pressed about who he was considering as a potential vice-president, should he get the nomination, Joe rattled off a few names. Biden: “Oh gosh, we have some wonderful women I would be honored to have serve as…

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Supreme Court Rules Chuck Schumer Is A Knuckle-Nuts Chode Monster For Threatening Justices

Justices

WASHINGTON – Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer is an azzhole. That’s not news. In fact, it’s been common knowledge for decades. But now, the senator has gone too far. He’s now publicly threatening conservative justices on the Supreme Court if they restrict, in any way, his party’s ability to kill babies. Schumer told a rabid crowd of pro-choice supporters that Justices Kavanaugh and Gorsuch would “pay the price” and “won’t know what hit you,” if they didn’t vote his way. That’s a threat, no matter what part of the country…

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Dr. Christine Ford Explains Her Fear of Testiflying

testiflying

WASHINGTON – Many people have a fear of flying, but Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser, suffers from a unique form of this phobia. She is cursed with the fear of “testiflying.” Dr. Ford is allegedly paralyzed with a fear of flying if it involves her traveling to testify about her past. Her lawyers have attested to her affliction. Fortunately, Ford’s fear of flying can be conquered by attaching a sunny destination with beautiful beaches to the end of a flight. “Everyone knows a plane doesn’t crash when…

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Senate Judiciary Agrees to Ford-Kavanaugh Steel Cage Death Match

Ford

WASHINGTON – Saying it’s the only fair way to end the stalemate between Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh, the Senate Judiciary Committee agreed to a winner-take-all steel cage death match between the two. Ford has accused Kavanaugh, a Supreme Court nominee, of getting overly frisky with her 36 years ago. Senator Chuck Grassley told reporters, “I think Brett will take her pretty early on. But to make the match fair, we’re going to allow Ms. Ford to have one of her lawyers (or Senator Dianne Feinstein) present in…

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Hearing Health Concerns, Ruth Bader Ginsburg to Resume CrossFit Training

WASHINGTON – Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg has heard the concerns over her health coming from those on the Left. Many liberals have taken to Twitter and elsewhere to voice their fears that the elder Justice Ginsburg may have to step down from the Court at some point, leaving her seat open, with her replacement to be picked by President Trump. “I hear them loud and clear,” Ginsburg said from a DC area gym. “That’s why I’ve resumed my CrossFit training program. I’m no spring chicken, but I do…

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