Robert Mueller: Happiness Is DC In My Purview Mirror

purview

WASHINGTON – He couldn’t remember his way back home, but former special counsel Robert Mueller couldn’t get out of town fast enough after his testimony on Capitol Hill today. “I’m just happy to get this place in my purview mirror,” he said. Mr. Mueller bumbled and stumbled his way through questions about his findings into whether President Trump won the election in 2016 fair and square. “I can’t say if he did or he didn’t, but I seem to recall that I don’t remember.” Come again? Asked to describe how…

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Democrats Hinge Hopes On Ex-Trump Lawyer Droopy Cohen

Cohen

WASHINGTON – In a desperate attempt to nail President Trump, Democrats in Congress are hoping his former lawyer, Michael “Droopy” Cohen, can give them some good dirt to use against him. The atmosphere during Cohen’s testimony has been electric, with yawns and letdowns aplenty. House Democrat Elijah Cummings announced that Cohen’s testimony today is being sponsored by No-Doz Maximum Strength Alertness Aid. Droopy, a convicted liar who will be behind bars soon, had half the chamber napping before he finished his opening statement. In fact, Cummings brought in Eeyore, he…

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