DNC Vows To Cap Number Of 2020 Candidates At 50

candidates

WASHINGTON – Saying they realize they haven’t quite checked off every identity political box that the Left has created with their candidates so far, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) has announced that they will cap the number of possible presidential candidates at 50. “Sadly, we can’t let everybody and their mother compete for a chance to beat President Trump,” DNC head Tom Perez acknowledged. “In fact, Kirsten Gillebrand asked us if she could enter her mom in the race to unseat Trump when she filed her paperwork. We had to…

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Democrats Enter Insanity Plea in Lawsuit Against Trump, Russia, Wikileaks

WASHINGTON – In a political head-scratcher this week, the Democratic Party filed a lawsuit against President Trump’s 2016 campaign, the country of Russia, and Wikileaks. The suit accuses the three entities of colluding to make Hillary Clinton suck so bad that she lost the election. Shortly after filing the lawsuit, spearheaded by DNC chair Tom Perez, the party entered a plea of insanity for itself. Typically, a defendant would be the one entering an insanity plea in a case, but this is the Democratic Party of 2018. Perez said in…

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Dems Offer Reward For Anyone Finding Their Moral Authority

WASHINGTON – Democratic Party chair Tom Perez has posted an ad in the DC classifieds offering a reward to anyone who knows the whereabouts of the party’s moral authority. Unaware that Democrats lost their moral authority during the Clinton-Lewinsky years of the 1990’s, Perez is hoping someone out there can shed light on its current location. “I’m actually a little embarrassed,” Perez admitted. “We’ve been acting holier than thou when we slam Republicans about their alleged scandals, while looking the other way at misdeeds committed by our own, but I…

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Beavis and Butt-Head Kick Off “Let’s Hate Trump” Tour

PORTLAND, MAINE – Democratic Party chairman Tom “Beavis” Perez and socialist Bernie “Butt-Head” Sanders kicked off their Let’s Hate Trump! tour to a crowd of millennials last night, hoping to gin up enthusiasm and votes for the midterm elections in 2018. Worried their party may not have ramped-up the crazy enough since losing the presidential election, Beavis took the stage first, pulling his shirt up over the back of his head and launching into his Cornholio routine. Hearing a smattering of boos when he was introduced, Cornholio angrily shouted “Are…

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