Joe Biden Shouts ‘Get Off My Lawn!’ At Interviewer Asking About Cognitive Tests

DELAWARE – Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden showed his grumpy side in an interview today. During an interview with a CBS reporter, Biden was confronted with the cognitive elephant in the room. The reporter asked Joe if he had taken any cognitive tests to measure his mental fitness to be president. The former VP lost his cool and snapped back at the reporter. “Get off my lawn!” Biden shot back. The nonsensical response caught the reporter by surprise. “I’m not on your lawn, sir.” Biden shot back, “Are you one…

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Skip 2020 Debates? Biden Says He Hasn’t Skipped In Years Due To Mobility Issues

skipped debates

DELAWARE – Due to his questionable mental competence, Democrats are freaking out over the possibility of Joe Biden debating on a stage with President Trump. His supporters, including the media, are now urging Joe to skip all debates. Period. Biden says he can’t do that. “I haven’t skipped in years. It’s harder to skip when you get older. I wish my handlers would be more understanding about that. A few years ago, I could walk briskly, trying to make it look like I was jogging with Barack. But I don’t…

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Biden Camp Offer Max Headroom As Stand In For Joe During Debates

Max Headroom

DELAWARE – Aides to Joe Biden’s 2020 campaign are doing whatever they can to avoid his having to debate President Trump in person. Now, they’re offering up 80’s pop culture personality Max Headroom as an alternative. The suggestion comes after the Trump campaign declined televising all debates from Biden’s basement. Greg Schultz, his campaign manager, explained why Headroom might be a suitable “debate double” for Biden. “First, they look exactly alike,” Schultz said. “I believe many of our younger Democrats wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. Also, Max is…

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Got GOYA? Angry Leftists Launch New Hispanic Food Company ANNOYA

CALIFORNIA – GOYA Foods Company is under attack by deranged American leftists after the CEO of the Hispanic Food brand expressed support for President Trump. In response, the Left, led by Hollywood celebs, have decided to launch their own brand of Hispanic foods – ANNOYA. Annoying the public is what liberals and progressives do best. They’re currently pushing a national boycott of GOYA because of their Trump Derangement Syndrome. The new brand promises to be “so woke it will give you insomnia” according to those pushing the boycott. Democrat Alexandria…

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How the Socialist Grinch Almost Stole the 4th of July

socialist grinch

JUST OUTSIDE AMERICAVILLE – The Socialist Grinch was a bitter, ungrateful member of Grinch Lives Matter, who lived next to Mount Trumpit and overlooked the states of Americaville. Each 4th of July, he seethed inside as Americaville celebrated her freedom and independence. Citizens of Americaville celebrated with fireworks, parades, baseball, beer, cookouts, and friends. It was a happy occasion each year, but he couldn’t understand what was so great about Americaville that was worth celebrating. You see, the Socialist Grinch was a product of the university system, where he had…

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President Trump Issues Travel Ban For All Flights In And Out Of CHAZ

chaz

CHAZ, UTOPIA – It’s called CHAZ (Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone). It’s the new capital of Utopia. If you’re progressive, and you have more than one can of spray paint, it’s the new place to be. A land with no laws, no police, and no common sense. But all is not perfect behind the walls of CHAZ. The ‘Liberal Heaven’ is only six city blocks wide. To flourish, CHAZ will need tourism, trade policy, and more graffiti artists. The problem? President Trump has issued a new travel ban for all flights…

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Joe Biden: If I Were President, I’d Call In Those Starship Troopers To Put End To Riots

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden, the intellectual leader of the Democratic Party, doesn’t think President Trump is serious about ending the violence and rioting that has exploded in the wake of George Floyd’s murder. He disagrees with the step-by-step approach the president has taken. “If it were me,” Biden said, “I wouldn’t fool around with having cops and state troopers first, then adding the National Guard, then threatening to bring in the military. Man, I’d bring in those Starship Troopers right off the bat. Those guys that beat back the alien…

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Pelosi Slams ‘Morbidly Obese’ Trump, Praises ‘Former Victoria’s Secret Model’ Stacey Abrams

morbidly obese

WASHINGTON – It’s common knowledge that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi lives in her own little world. So it was no surprise this week when she slammed President Trump for being ‘morbidly obese.’ She then went on to praise the imaginary governor of Georgia, Stacey Abrams, for being the picture of good health. Abrams is being considered as a VP pick for Democrat Joe Biden. Pelosi thinks Abrams would be a fine choice for the position. “In total contrast to the president, Ms. Abrams is the epitome of fitness and good…

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Arrogant Prick Blasts Trump’s Virus Response For Not Being As Smooth As His Obamacare Website Debut

arrogant prick

WASHINGTON – During a virtual commencement speech to brainwashed students, an arrogant prick took veiled swipes at President Trump’s response to the coronavirus outbreak. “These folks in charge don’t know what they’re doing,” the arrogant prick told his audience. “Their response to the current pandemic has been weak, sloppy, and a model of inefficiency. Compare that to the flawless roll out of my Obamacare website during my first term. I, I, I, uh, I, I, uh, rest my case.” For those who might not remember, the Obamacare website launch was…

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VP Pence To Head Up Murder Hornet Task Force, Dems Call Trump Bee-ist

WASHINGTON – Coronavirus is still a huge issue in our society, but America has a new foe to deal with on top of it – the Asian Murder Hornet. They’re pretty scary creatures with a painfully, toxic sting, and an appetite for destroying honeybees. But the murder hornets haven’t dealt with an enemy like Donald Trump yet. Today, the president appointed VP Mike Pence to lead a new task force against the murderous hoard of insects. And Democrats are not happy about it. “The president is doing what he did…

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