WH Giving Mops, Buckets To Psaki, Others For Cleaning Up After Biden Speeches

cleaning up

WASHINGTON – Every time President Biden makes a speech, there’s a ‘clean up on aisle 46’ needed. Joe says whatever Joe says and then his communications team has to come out and clean up his mess. Jen Psaki is basically his janitor at this point. Biden’s latest mess is calling for regime change in Russia. Speaking about Putin, the president said “For God’s sake, this man cannot remain in power.” So now, the White House has handed out mops, buckets, and cleaning supplies for Psaki and friends to use when…

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Biden Angered By Continued Russian Hostilities, Thought Last Week Was Spring Break

spring break

ON A DELAWARE BEACH – President Biden was visibly angry after hearing Russia was continuing to bombard Ukraine while he vacationed. “Come on, man! It’s Spring Break! Putin knows that. Don’t they have Spring Break in Russia? Go to the beach, Vlad. Chill, baby!” “I came here to unwind and thought Putin would pause hostilities for Spring Break,” Joe told reporters. “I guess he’s taking this whole WW3 thing more seriously than I am. Oh wait! It’s not spring over there, is it? Jill? Anybody know? Seems like in the…

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So Far, Biden’s ‘Sanction Grenades’ Are Failing To Stop Putin’s Invasion Of Ukraine

Ukraine

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden believes the sanction is mightier than the sword. He believes a well-placed sanction is deadlier than any military weapon. Russia doesn’t know who they’re tangling with in Biden, do they? The US president urged the world to give his ‘sanction grenades’ a “month or so” to maybe work. Biden reminded the poor citizens of Ukraine today that he’s a tough guy. And he’s not afraid to sanction the hell out of Russia. “I will unleash my entire arsenal of sanctions on Putin and his military, at…

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VP Harris Asks Biden To Stop Giving Her Such Hard Assignments

assignments

MUNICH – Vice President Kamala Harris is absolutely tired of being given hard assignments from President Biden. The VP is currently masquerading as someone who has a grasp of foreign policy, but fooling no one. She keeps using big words like “absolutely” to impress other leaders. But since failing after each job she’s been given as VP, Harris is tired of the charade. “When they told me I was being picked for VP because of my color and my vagina, they didn’t tell me I was going to have to…

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Biden Warns Russia That Invading Troops Better Be Masked Or Hell To Pay

invading

WASHINGTON – President Biden had an intense, hour-long phone call with Russia’s President Putin yesterday. Biden warned the Red Menace they’d better be masked and vaxxed before invading Ukraine. The US president insisted it was just a matter of common courtesy. “Look, we’re on the tail end of this covid….you know, the thing,” Joe told reporters. “But I told President Putin that allowing unmasked, unvaxxed soldiers to invade Ukraine could set us back months if the invasion turned out to be a super-spreader event. That’s a scenario even my military…

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Russia Threatens To Invade Ukraine Unless Spotify Cancels Joe Rogan

Joe Rogan

MOSCOW – Everybody’s favorite threat this month is to demand Spotify cancel Joe Rogan or they’ll do something. Mostly, it’s been musical dinosaurs threatening the music service with pulling their song catalogs from the platform. All because they say podcaster Joe Rogan is spreading disinformation about Covid-19. The most recent threats have come from Dr. Neil Young, formerly of the clinic named ‘Dr.’s Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.’ Also, Dr. Barry Manilow, Dr. Peter Frampton, and Dr. Joni Mitchell have demanded Rogan be silenced. We believe they’re doctors because they…

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Biden Promises To Rescue Any Americans Stuck In Ukraine With Seal Team Brandon

Seal Team Brandon

WASHINGTON – Joe Biden’s Afghanistan exit last year set the gold standard for evacuation efforts from a war-torn country. He’ll tell you that himself. So, as war seems inevitable between Russia and Ukraine, the time for Americans to get out of Ukraine is now. Acting President Jen Psaki, the one who ultimately tells us what Joe meant to say, explained today. “We are telling all Americans in Ukraine, and their families, to leave Ukraine now. We have no idea how to handle this Russian aggression. But, there is hope. Joe…

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Biden Threatens To Have Reporter Fired Within Six Hours For Ukraine Question

LOS ANGELES – While answering questions from reporters this weekend, 2020 Democratic candidate Joe Biden became irate when a question was asked about his Ukraine/Hunter Biden scandal. He immediately threatened the offending reporter with causing his employment termination within six hours if the reporter didn’t withdraw his question. A visibly pissed Biden reacted to the Ukraine question, saying, “Kiddo, I’m not gonna respond to that. Look, I make one phone call and I’ll have you fired within six hours. How dare you question my nepotism skills! You wanna walk back…

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