For Xmas, Stacey Abrams Received Ballot Printing Machine – Georgia Runoff Edition

ballot printing

GEORGIA – The imaginary governor of Georgia, Stacey Abrams, got just what she asked Santa Claus for this Christmas. A brand new ballot printing machine was waiting under her tree! “I couldn’t believe it!” an excited Abrams shouted. “It was the number one item on my list. I think every card-carrying Democrat should have one. It’ll make all future election fraud so much easier.” Stacey said the machine was about the size of an Easy Bake Oven, but she planned to have it running 24 hours a day – right…

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SCOTUS Rules ‘This Whole Constitution Thing Has Been Done To Death’

WASHINGTON – The Supreme Court ruled Friday afternoon that following the Constitution has run its course. A majority of justices, including so-called “conservative” justices, decided that voter fraud in US elections is no big deal. Chief Justice John Roberts declared, “This whole following the Constitution thing has been done to death. So Democrats cheated with mail-in ballots and rigged voting machines? If Texas doesn’t like that, they should cheat harder next time. I thought they did everything bigger in Texas anyway?” New justice Amy Coney Barrett said, “I didn’t feel…

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Big Pharma Working On Voter Fraud Vaccine For Democrat Activists

big pharma

PHILADELPHIA – There’s a cancer in our election process, and it’s called Voter Fraud. The main carriers of this disease are Democratic operatives and activists. Symptoms include ballot stuffing in the middle of the night and prematurely referring to one’s favored candidate as “president-elect.” It’s a nasty, disgusting condition. And now, several big pharmaceutical companies are joining efforts to develop a vaccine to treat voter fraud. Pfizer is having good results with a possible coronavirus vaccine, so researchers are turning their attention to curing voter fraud. One big pharma researcher…

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Joe Biden Goes All In For Voting By Pony Express

HIS BASEMENT – Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden today heartily endorsed Nancy Pelosi’s proposed “cheat-by-mail” voting scam. Speaking from his basement, Joe said achieving voter fraud through the mail would be a huge boost to his party. Biden, often unsure of what year it is, said he had complete confidence in the Pony Express and their ability to deliver ballots to Washington on time. “Man, those boys can ride! And they wouldn’t stand for any hanky-panky with those ballots along the way” Democrats believe they can more easily commit voter…

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Election Official With Facial Tic Rigging Florida Recount

BROWARD COUNTY – With a wink and a nod, Broward County elections supervisor Brenda Snipes says the Florida recount for the DeSantis/Gillum race is under control. But is she telling the truth? A facial tic that Snipes has had for years makes it hard to tell. She explains that constant winking at Democrats and looking the other way as voter fraud is committed under her (watchful?) eye are to blame for her facial tic. “It is what it is. I can’t help it,” Snipes says, as she slips another bundle…

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Trump to Focus on “Extreme Vetting,” Hillary on “Extreme Voting”

OHIO – During a foreign policy speech yesterday, Donald Trump explained his new plans for scrutinizing immigrants who want to come into our country. He’s calling it “extreme vetting.” Trump wants to make sure the government really has a good idea of the history and allegiances a person has before allowing them to live here. Hillary Clinton, happy to let anybody come into our country, is more of a fan of “extreme voting.” Her campaign has launched a program aimed at illegal “Dreamers,” who are not eligible to vote, but…

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