Fearing Wrath Of Trump, Hurricane Diverts From Mar-A-Lago Path

Dorian

FLORIDA – Hurricane Dorian wants no part of President Trump. The powerful storm was churning right toward south Florida, and the “Winter White House,” when its projected path suddenly veered northward, avoiding the resort that the president frequents. “I was having a good time freaking out the entire state of Florida,” Dorian said, “When all of a sudden I looked ahead and realized I was heading straight for Mar-a-Lago! I said, ‘Oh Shit!’ and immediately changed my future path. I know this abrupt change of course will likely piss off…

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NOAA Admits Hurricane Forecast Models Drawn By 3-Year-Old Twins

hurricane

SILVER SPRING – NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration) officials admitted this week that the forecast models used to show projected hurricane paths are actually drawn by 3-year-old twins. Known as spaghetti models, the charts are used to show the public some possibilities the path a hurricane or tropical storm may take. And while most of these models look like they were drawn by a small child, this is the first admission of the practice by NOAA. Bill Steiner, a marine climatologist for NOAA, said his 3-year-old daughters, Sadie and…

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Bomb Cyclone and Other New Scary Weather Terms for 2018

AUSTIN – Meteorologists frustrated with the American public’s reluctance to buy into their constant scare tactics about climate change are hoping an update to their weather glossary will work better. Just today, as a nor’easter bears down on the east coast, media reports referred to the storm as a “Bomb Cyclone.” OMG! Other new weather terms for 2018 will be announced at a weather symposium this weekend in Austin, Texas by Penn State glaciologist, Dr. Richard Allee. Among the new terms to be used in addition to “bomb cyclone” to…

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