AUSTIN – Texas Democrats took the first flight on Coward Airlines on Monday, as the fledgling carrier made its debut. The airline touts itself as “the choice of cowards and anybody looking to shirk their responsibilities.”
The skittish politicians were fleeing their responsibilities to vote on a voting reform bill in the Texas House. The inaugural flight from Austin to Washington, D.C. was mostly uneventful, though pilots did announce they were having to fly lower to avoid turbulence and/or encountering any rogue quorums.
Coward Airlines looks to cater to deadbeat politicians and deserters. The company’s small fleet uses a unique technology that powers their planes solely with taxpayer money, instead of traditional fossil fuels. The FAA (Federal Avoidance Administration) will oversee the operations of the new airline.
The Democratic lawmakers from Texas all put their jobs on airplane mode as they entered the craft. “This is exciting!” state Rep. Chris Turner said between swigs of lite beer. “Even though our efforts to stifle voting rights for Texans won’t accomplish anything, I feel like such a badass!”
The in-flight meal was, of course, gutless chicken. Finally, all passengers will receive frequent liar miles from Coward Airlines due to their nonstop lying about Texas’ voting rights bill. Governor Abbott has strongly urged the childish Democrats to take a return flight on ManUp Airlines, and get back to work. Stay tuned…