Tornado Biden: Worst Destruction I’ve Seen Since Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton Played Twister

twister

KENTUCKY – After being convinced by staff that he hadn’t been transported to Oz, President Biden toured tornado-ravaged Kentucky today. The destruction is devastating. And reporters noted that Joe seemed overwhelmed by what he saw.

“Folks, what I’ve seen today is hard to put into words. I’ve been to many disaster sites over my last century in politics. But this one is especially bad. I’ve been trying to think of how to convey just how bad the destruction here is. Do you all remember a climate documentary from the ’90’s called Twister?

It was a gripping tale involving a tornado outbreak that could only be stopped if Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton completed an intense game of Twister before a monster tornado killed everybody. It still gives me night terrors. Think of Jumanji – but with weather.

Every time they try to complete the game, a gust of wind blows the tarp with the colored dots away. Finally, with the tornado bearing down on them, Philip Seymour spins and shouts over the howling winds, ‘Right hand, red!’ Helen slams her right hand down on the spot and the tornado stops, just as Bill is about to be sucked up into the storm! I still poop my pants just thinking about it.”

Spokesgal Jen Psaki praised the president’s recollection of the Hunt/Paxton tornado. “That’s just how I remember it, too. This is an excellent example of how the president connects so well with the American people, especially after a natural disaster like this.”

*Pray/donate for those affected by these storms. And FJB.

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