Trump Says 2018 So Bright We’ve Gotta Wear Shades


MAR-A-LAGO – As America rang in the new year, President Trump told the country “2018’s so bright, we’ve gotta wear shades.” Referencing a song by the ’80’s group Timbuk 3, he said 2018 will be a stellar one for both the American economy and the country’s standing in the world.

He conceded that the haters would continue to be “blinded by the light,” to “trip the merry-go-round,” and remain in the dark as to why he won the presidency in the first place. Trump said those in the fake news media, especially, would stay “revved up like a deuce” with this “very unpleasin’ sneezin’ and wheezin.'” We assume they know what he means by that.

Billy Gibbons, founder of ZZ Top, recommended that everyone “get yourself some cheap sunglasses.” Specifically, Gibbons said the best thing to do is to go get yourself some big black frames, with the glass so dark they won’t even know your name.” He added that where he shops, they come in two classes…..rhinestone shades or cheap sunglasses. Oh yeah. Then he busted into a killer guitar solo.

Even Canadian rocker Corey Hart recognizes how bright America’s 2018 looks. “With an economy that’s going to be really revving up this year, and no end in sight for the surge in the stock market, I still wear my sunglasses at night.”



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