TWITTERVERSE – Democrat Joe Biden is in a heap of trouble these days. The presidential candidate and his son Hunter have been accused of some pretty bad behavior. It seems Hapless Joe has been accused of using the Biden name to enrich his own family for decades.
The damning evidence on a “laptop from Hell,” as Joe calls it, could hurt Democrats’ chances of winning the White House in a couple of weeks. Fortunately for the Biden’s, the arbiters of truth in our society, Twitter and Facebook, have Joe’s back.
According to Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, “The Republicans are accusing Biden of some pretty serious and criminal behavior while he was vice president. The problem with that….is that he never was vice president. That’s what our crack team of fact checkers have informed me of.”
Dorsey continued, “I don’t know where the Republicans come up with these wild stories. We all know Barack Obama was the first president to not have a vice president. It’s ridiculous that Republicans think they can get away with such misinformation. So you can see we have no choice but to remove any posts that make Joe look bad.”
Twitter also found that the Chinese and Russian governments just like sending money to people with the last name ‘Biden.’ No strings attached. Even if they don’t want it.
Dorsey said it’s a curse for the Biden’s and they’ve been unable to stop the flow of free cash from America’s enemies. “It’s a sad story, really. Must be tough to be a Biden.”
Finally, Twitter’s fact check team is disputing allegations that Joe Biden was ever a United States senator. “We find no evidence of that,” Dorsey said. “And our fact check people dig deep and are completely unbiased.”
Twitter researchers claim Joe Biden is a retired school bus driver. Through no fault of his own, America has pulled him from his basement man cave, and forced him to run for president. Poor bastard.