Andrew Cuomo Sorry All Women Don’t Realize He’s God’s Gift To Them

NEW YORK – Governor Andrew Cuomo is very sorry he’s having to defend himself. He’s sorry that random groping, kissing and touching are frowned upon in today’s society. But he’s sorry most of all that all women don’t realize that he’s God’s gift to them. In a very. Slow and. Monotone voice, he defended himself against sexual abuse allegations made by 11 women who’ve worked for him. Reading from a prepared statement, Cuomo said, “I don’t understand….how these women…don’t get what a big deal…I am. Being groped, fondled, or kissed…

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Democrats Becoming Rabid ‘Un-Vaxists’ Founder Of Unvaccinated Lives Matter Claims

un-vaxists

WASHINGTON – Yesterday, Joe Biden showed the country his disdain for the unvaccinated. In fact, Democrats everywhere have started exhibiting “un-vaxism” in alarming numbers. Un-vaxism is defined as ‘prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism toward a person who has chosen not to receive the covid-19 vaccine.’ Harvey Riddell, founder of Unvaccinated Lives Matter (ULM) explained the climate toward the jab-resistant. “The level of hatred from Democrats toward people who are unvaccinated is frightening. They treat us as less than human. They want to take away our rights. We call it un-vaxism, and…

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At Last Minute, Biden Nixes ‘Get The Shot Or Get Shot’ Vaccine Program

get the shot

WASHINGTON – Americans may have just dodged a bullet. President Biden decided against a vaccine program his people wanted, and he made the decision just before delivering a pleading speech to the masses. According to spokesgal Jen Psaki, “The president decided not to move forward with a ‘Get the Shot or Get Shot’ vaccine program that many of us wanted. A majority in the White House believe the unvaccinated deserve a choice. Get the shot….or eat lead. That’s pretty straightforward. We think most would choose Pfizer over Smith & Wesson.…

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Rare Sighting Of Weeping RINO Filmed In Its Natural Habitat During Jan. 6th Hearing

weeping RINO

WASHINGTON – Video emerged today of a “weeping RINO” during Nancy Pelosi’s stage play titled The Jan. 6th Commission: Insurrection!  The footage showed a pathetic RINO, in its natural habitat, tearing up as it encountered Capitol Police actors. The performance was beyond cringe-worthy. As the RINO addressed the coached actors, it began to cry as if on cue. Some viewers bought the performance, however. The eyes of numerous Democrat viewers welled up at the sight of the weeping RINO. They were obviously moved. The play was set in a swamp.…

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Biden Named Worst Comedian After Prefacing Every Punchline With “I’m Not Joking”

CNN – Joe Biden performed stand-up comedy at a town hall show on the network this week. Sadly, every joke the Democrat delivered fell flat. Even CNN anchors couldn’t save the floundering jokester from bombing on stage. Most well-known comics cited his technique as the reason for his poor showing. “You can’t start every joke with ‘Seriously, I’m not joking…,’ before you deliver the punchline,” Jerry Seinfeld said. “It confuses the audience. They don’t know if you’re playing it straight, the joke’s on them, or what.” Comedian Kevin Hart shouted,…

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US Women’s Soccer Team Favorite To Win Gold In Kneeling Competition At Wokyo Olympics

WOYKO (WOKE-e-O) – As the 2024 Wokyo Olympics open in Japan , the IOC announced a new competition. For the first time ever, kneeling will be an Olympic event. The early frontrunners to take home the gold are the US Women’s Soccer Team. All but 2 members of the team kneeled during the anthem at a recent event. Led by anti-American forward Megan Rapinoe, the team feels good about their chances. “As an ungrateful American, I look forward to being a bad representative for my country. It’s kind of an…

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Dr. Fauci Suggests Babies Start Wearing Masks While Still Inside Womb

CNN – Dr. Anthony Fauci, keeper of all knowledge covid-related, has new mask recommendations for the very young. The doc made his latest degree on a recent show on the network that nobody watches. Ok, it was Brian Stelter’s show. “Look, masks are going to be part of our lives in some fashion for years to come,” Fauci stated. “I recently recommended that children older than 2 wear a mask when they return to school. But since I like to play God, I realized we could do better. I now…

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Psaki: Door-To-Door Vaccine Gestapo May Also Check Your Facebook Page For Disinformation

disinformation

WASHINGTON – Biden spokesgal Jen Psaki clarified remarks she made the other day regarding social media platforms doing the administration’s bidding. Psaki previously said the White House was telling Facebook to ban whatever content they deem to be disinformation or “problematic.” Today, Jen elaborated on their plan. “We don’t expect Facebook to be able to catch every post we deem offensive or inaccurate. So what we are considering, is having our door-to-door vaccine gestapo also check your Facebook page while they’re there. It won’t be intrusive or anything. When our…

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Dems Propose Sending America’s Most Vicious Warriors To Free Cuban People

WASHINGTON – Democratic leaders today proposed unleashing America’s most fearsome fighters to free the Cuban people from their tyrannical government. The cast of characters include many who still give Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer nightmares. To the modern Democrat, the people who stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6 of this year are the baddest of the bad, the worst of the worst…..since the Civil War. So, as Cubans revolt against a communist government, and hope America can deliver them from evil, Democrats are offering a glimmer of hope. Including a…

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Texas Democrats Take Inaugural Flight Of Coward Airlines To DC

Coward Airlines

AUSTIN – Texas Democrats took the first flight on Coward Airlines on Monday, as the fledgling carrier made its debut. The airline touts itself as “the choice of cowards and anybody looking to shirk their responsibilities.” The skittish politicians were fleeing their responsibilities to vote on a voting reform bill in the Texas House. The inaugural flight from Austin to Washington, D.C. was mostly uneventful, though pilots did announce they were having to fly lower to avoid turbulence and/or encountering any rogue quorums. Coward Airlines looks to cater to deadbeat…

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