WOYKO (WOKE-e-O) – As the 2024 Wokyo Olympics open in Japan , the IOC announced a new competition. For the first time ever, kneeling will be an Olympic event. The early frontrunners to take home the gold are the US Women’s Soccer Team. All but 2 members of the team kneeled during the anthem at a recent event.
Led by anti-American forward Megan Rapinoe, the team feels good about their chances. “As an ungrateful American, I look forward to being a bad representative for my country. It’s kind of an unfair competition, though. A lot of teams from other countries know they’d be shot if they pulled stunts like kneeling during their nation’s anthem. Fortunately, we’re allowed to be as woke, stupid and disrespectful as we want. I feel blessed about that.”
Wokyo officials decided that kneeling needed to be a team sport rather than an individual competition. “You have to admire that hammer thrower who recently spit in America’s face, but she’s just one athlete,” an IOC official whined. “There’s something to admire about a whole team that can be so woke, so entitled, so ill-mannered as to bite the hand that feeds them. I’d say several teams from the USA will be vying for gold in kneeling. My money is on the women’s soccer team.”
Rapinoe and her team lost their opening match to Sweden 3-0. “We need to bounce back in the next match, because getting knocked out early limits the number of times we can show the world our arrogance, contempt for our flag and anthem, and high wokeness level. We’ll do better next time.”
Kneelers will be scored on technique, including the degree of difficulty they exhibit while holding each kneel. Cramping up or swaying during a kneel are major deductions. Also, the number of total kneels, believability of disdain, and finally, how many times they reference the Black Lives Matter movement affect scores.