Vanity Fair Buys Hillary Clinton Rocking Chair for Knitting, Retiring


NEW YORK – Afraid she wouldn’t get the hint from their article begging her never to run for office again, editors at Vanity Fair gave Hillary Clinton a rocking chair for Christmas, in addition to a knitting starter kit, to push her in the right direction.

Snitches get stitches. But so do witches and bitches. Mrs. Clinton fits the latter. As everybody knows, the saying “snitches get stitches” refers to the treatment of gang members who, when caught telling on one of their own, are kicked out of the gang and forced to take up knitting.

Apparently, the writers at Vanity Fair have finally grown as tired of hearing Hillary spinning yarns about her election loss as the rest of us have been for a year now. Hillary has tried to use every excuse in the book for her failures, but her reasons have failed to move the needle in her favor.

The biggest buttonhole in modern political history, Hillary needs to stop crisscrossing the airways, retire, sit, rock back and forth, and knit. Just think of how many pussy hats she could knit for the Resistance!

If she screws up, the worst that could happen is her work unravels – just like the many lies she’s tried to sell the American people for decades now. Whether she takes Vanity Fair’s advice or not, she’s got the knit-wit part down pat.


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