WASHINGTON – In a major victory for the rights of progressive women – women who demanded the right to walk around as giant vaginas in public after last weekend’s Women’s March, President Trump signed an executive order today, granting women the right to do just that.
Many, many feminists paraded around in over-sized vaginas at the march, but many complain they can’t walk around at their child’s school, the grocery store, or the mall wearing their favorite costume. Now they can.
And while no conservative woman in her right mind would ever wear such a thing, President Trump issued a statement on why he agreed to issue the order:
“Look, some women, ones who didn’t vote for me, are out of their bloody minds. I get that. But if you want to walk around looking like a big p*ssy, who am I to tell you you can’t walk around looking like the deranged person you are? It’s obviously very important to them, and I’m not here to cramp anybody’s style.
Now, I know some Democrats in Congress would like to tamp on additional language to my executive order, but I don’t feel there’s any need to pad what’s already there. I saw no point in stringing this along. There’s no reason to clitigate this issue further.
And for those in Congress who want to give me lip service and blow this thing wide open, I’ll abort this order quicker than you can get a mammogram at Planned Parenthood. That’s all I have to say on this matter. Period.”
To progressives who self-identify as female, and like to wear their anatomy on their sleeve, the news was orgasmic. Congratulations, “ladies?”